Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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