Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sober January is a disaster.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
