And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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