my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
