i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
