Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
