Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
