morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
high people should be assigned attendants
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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