our cab driver is having phone sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
