Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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