My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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