i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He passed out mid-signature
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
