He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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