Where is the hickey?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
