so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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