If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
