Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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