um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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