At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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