I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
