Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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