remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
