I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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