so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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