Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
