If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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