Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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