Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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