Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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