another moral hangover. fuck.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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