I can tuck mytits in my pants
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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