My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
