I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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