I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
