you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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