I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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