don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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