Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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