my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
