It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize