How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
