I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
