dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
