Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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