Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
