wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
