I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
