That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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