Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
