You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
