Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
