nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
