A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
