I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
