Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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