It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
