woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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